Hi,
I'm Mike Young and I'm no Caribou. Here's a shot of me at Cuatros Casas in Mexico.
Below, here I am with my friend Tony, another Wolf, enjoying a cool refreshing Boddingtons.
PRESS RELEASE
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
The California Caribou thought to have been extinct for over 100 years have recently been sighted in Placer, Ventura, and Los Angeles Counties.
Sacramento, CA- The California Caribou Herd not seen since 1903 has made a highly unexpected resurgence. News of the apparent Caribou revival in California has Fish and Game representatives as well as biologists baffled. Dr. Harold Palmer of the California Ecological Society comments, "we're, baffled". "Most people have never heard of the California Caribou", states John Richardson, Chief of the California Department of Fish and Game, Wildlife Branch.
Reactions from State officials come after several complaints from citizens in Placer, Ventura and Los Angeles Counties, of "deer like" animals destroying property and becoming a general nuisance. Agents from California's Fish and Game were dispatched to investigate the reports, and were able to trap two of the animals the agency later confirmed as California Caribou. "The identification process was difficult", says Jane Weaver of the California Wildlife Council. "We had to go back into archived illustrations and consult with Native American groups for verification – we could not believe our eyes".
Leading scientists explain that the California Caribou, thought to have died off over one hundred years ago, did not go into "temporary extinction" from over hunting, urban sprawl or global warming, which had been the working theories. According to Dr. Palmer, "the California Caribou are a unique species of deer in that they are almost exclusively homosexual – it was the inability to breed effectively and the animal's sense of shame that likely depleted their numbers".
Dr. Palmer and his peers theorize that the California Caribou's homosexual adaptation began as simple confusion based on the animal's poor vision, bad judgment and curious nature. Dr. Palmer states, "Bull California Caribou have a penis sheath and will urinate in a forward direction. It is possible to encounter problems viewing the penis sheath on older bulls, when they are standing in brush or when the animal's stance blocks the view. California Caribou Cows have a vulva located just below the anus (Illustration A1). The vulva and anus are visible only when the tail is up. If the tail is down, however, only a portion of the vulva can be seen. This can often lead to gender misidentification which slowly evolved into a prominent behavioral feature of the California Caribou".
(Illustration A1)
Scientists say that the California Caribou Herd had been able to sustain itself for thousands of years until the late 19th century. Dr. Palmer states that "it was a prototypical evolutionary process, with the bull Caribou moving from heterosexual to bisexual to homosexual". "It started with the gender misidentification". "The problem was that the bull Caribou developed a preference for each other over the females which lead to the decline of the species". "It is simply natural selection at its best".
The news of the California Caribou's propensity toward homosexuality was welcomed by the California Gay, Lesbian and Transgender Association who have adopted the California Caribou as a feature of its logo. A spokesperson from the Association remarks that, "the Republicans have their elephant, the Democrats have their donkey and now the Gays have their Caribou". The news was not so welcomed by members of the newly formed Caribou Club headed by California natives and brothers, Gene and Jeff Meyer. "We are considering changing our name to something more heterosexual, like the Beaver Club", say the Meyers. Curiously, the Caribou Club that the Meyers currently lead happens to be an all male organization.
Chief Richardson of Fish and Game reminds residents of the three counties reporting Caribou sightings, "to treat the California Caribou with caution as you would with any other wild animal". He further remarks, "and definitely don’t turn your back on them".